I love getting your reader emails! Here are a few of your questions, answered personally by me! Sex and love question? champagneatmidnight@live.ca

Dear Answer Minx:

I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He has been coming home late and seems pretty distant.  I have no proof, but find myself tempted to look through his phone. What gives??

-Beyond Stressed, AB, Canada

Good Morning Stressor!

When did this start? How long have you been together?  You did not indicate this in your email. First things first, I often get a lot of emails from women who think their boyfriend is cheating on them and want to snoop. DO NOT. When you open Pandora’s Box you will only cause yourself even more anxiety. You may misinterpret texts, you may see a girls’ name and jump to conclusions, and you may assume a business trip equals a sexy romp with his female boss. You cannot make decisions based on fear and anxiety. Further, you have just violated his trust; if you “find something” and tell him, you will have to cop to the fact that you got your information by being sneaky and insecure. The girl in his phone may be his cousin. The business trip could be so brutal that he can’t wait to come home and ravage you. Get the point?  Instead, you need to assess your current status. Do you support him? Encourage him? How’s your sex life? Do you make an effort? The number one reason men cheat is that they do not feel appreciated in their current relationship. When men start affairs it is because, often times, and the ‘other woman’ gives their ego a boost. It is a sexy rush to them. Don’t get me wrong; in no way shape or form I am blaming you if your partner is in fact cheating. If so he is a dirty fuck and you should remove yourself immediately. What I am saying, is to be honest with yourself and what you are contributing to each other. Does he come home from work to find you in sweats watching Dancing with the Stars, or does he come home to you with a glass of wine suggesting a sexy shower for two? Women often think that once they have landed a man that they do not need to work at it anymore. Wrong. Again, you are not responsible for his choices, and you should listen to your gut.  Give your relationship a two week makeover. Be there for him, spice things up, and create a date night. This is not jumping through hoops; this is called taking care of your union. If, after that, he is still acting like a dick, call him on it, and be prepared to walk. Good luck!

-Answer Minx

Dear Answer Minx:

I am in a dry spell. I haven’t had so much as a peck in months, and I have become lonely. How do I get myself back out there??????

-Mary, TX

Hey Mary!

First, don’t panic! Everyone goes through dry spells. Everyone.  I am sure Heidi Klum has gone without from time to time. The point is to use this time effectively so you are ready to rock with the next guy around the corner. I can understand that dry spells can be excruciatingly frustrating; especially if you are the only one within your girlfriends going through it. But, as in life, everything is a cycle, and you will not be sleeping alone forever.  Here is what you do.  Be the best version of yourself. Work out, read more, spend time with your friends, and truly take care of yourself. I cannot tell you how much confidence I radiate when I take the time to get my nails done, take a bath, and write more. Being true to yourself sets of a vibration in the universe that subconsciously brings people, situations and clarity to you.  Nobody will pick the present with the torn packaging.  Become your own best friend and you will be happier, sexier, and in turn will attract people. Here is what not to do: Scroll through your phone looking for someone – anyone – to entertain you. Ick. Instead, pick yourself up and enjoy your time. Call your girlfriends, call your mom, and just do not call a random or an ex. When your timing is right, and you truly radiate a “readiness” you will bump into a new sexcapade when you least expect it. Trust me. One of my best girlfriends spent almost eleven months “working on herself” and is currently having the best sex of her life. For four months now.

-Answer Minx

Dear Answer Minx:

Is it ever okay to flirt with someone even though I am in a committed relationship?

-Bored, ON Canada

Dear Bored:

As long as flirting goes as far as being sweet to your bank teller. Further than that and you are asking for trouble.

-Answer Minx

Dear Answer Minx:

My boyfriend watches a lot of porn, and I even caught him masturbating in the other room. I am pissed!! We live together, why am I not enough??

-Shell093, ATL

Hey Shell:

Chill. It is beyond normal. As long as you two have regular sex and are happy, relax. It’s only if his extracurricular activity is taking time away from your union, which you should worry. Men are visual creatures, and I know firsthand that watching skin flicks rarely have anything to do with you personally. In fact, if used properly, porn can be a sexy use of foreplay. Sometimes guys watch porn when they are bored, stressed or just want alone time. As long as he still initiates sex and is not watching anything disturbing or illegal (child pornography, bestiality) don’t harp on him. Instead browse your local sex shop and find a DVD you both can enjoy.

-Answer Minx

Dear Answer Minx:

There is a guy I met recently whom I went on a great date with. We had great chemistry, conversation flowed and we had a great kiss. Problem? It has been three weeks since then and I haven’t heard from the guy.  I messaged him a couple times and still no word. I need to write him off, right?

-Confused and Pissed, GA

Dear C&P:

Ahh, the classic “Disappearing Act”. A girlfriend and I both experienced this and let me tell you, it bites the big one in the dating world.  We would joke that “Our Guys” are probably floating on a raft in the ocean and just couldn’t possibly get to a phone.  In reality, and brace for the cliché, but the guy is just not into you. Sorry. Maybe he is dating a few women –allowed – maybe he didn’t get the same vibe –allowed—maybe he was just being polite –allowed. Whatever the reason is, pick up your Hottie Heels and move on. Just be grateful it was one date and not three months in.

-Answer Minx

Dear Answer Minx:

I hate my friend’s fiancé. She can do so much better. He is just a total loser, and I don’t get it. What can I do?

-N

Dear N:

Nothing. Unless he is hitting her or being verbally abusive, you need to back off.  When you are an adult, you get to chose who you spend your time with. In the case of your friend, she has chosen this person and it is not your business why. You may not know their dynamic as a couple. Often times, girlfriends only call to bitch and vent when they are upset with their partners. Chances are, you have only heard the negative.  The next time you are all together take the time to get to know him. Personally, one of my very best girlfriends is getting married to a man who isn’t very vocal around her friends. He often disappears into the basement and doesn’t really chat with them. To some it could be seen as rude, but in this case his understanding of her need for girl time prompts him to give her the space she (we) need to be loud and goofy and girly as we want; and that is true respect. Try a change of perspective, and remember your friends support you, and you need to do the same.

-Answer Minx

Now this is convoluted. At best… out with Bianca and her new boy. Hottub and conversations, life was grandioso if you ask me.

Thats when the text messages started. Ironically two boys on my radar…Workboy and Secretboy back and forth…of course now learning that Secretboy is solid in his faith and that there is no hope for anything more than walks in the park and mere hand-holding, the devilish side of me returns when I get scandalous inuendos from Workboy. Yet everytime I would get a smirk on my face from one, the other one would bring something else to the table. I know better, on both ends.

Normally I would give you loyal readers a breakdown of what was talked about, however due to the timing of these texts, and what was JUST discussed, I will keep it private.

However, I will dish that after I left Bianca’s I spent time with one of them.

Who do you think?

Does he have a girlfriend? Gay? Have a child? Married? Used to be a chick?

I have no idea and quite frankly the idea of a new prospect having “something” is enough to make me run for the fucking hills. They always have “something”- I am over it.

Ready?

“I am saving myself for marriage, and no girl is going to take that from me”

Pardon me?

Soooooo you’re telling me I JUST got out of something horrendous, with a guy who made it his personal goal to fuck and hurt as many chicks as possible, to now be introduced to someone who has never had sex, nor will until he is married.

Alright.

Told ya I was an extremist…stay tuned.

xo champ

Also, I forgot to mention I have sick reputation for dealing with co-workers. When I am not chasing dreams of writing for a living, or working on my book, I am serving all kinds of folk at a restaurant. I have been doing some sort of restaurant industry job since I was 15, from hostessing to serving to bartending. For any of you who have worked in this industry, those who work together sleep together. Restaurants are incestuous. It is no exaggeration. In fact, I dare you to take a good look the next time you are out to eat. Check for servers eyeing each other, bartenders spending a more time focused on a certain server etc etc. Chances are they are fucking, have fucked, or are about too.

One day after my shift I noticed a fellow cook getting a beer from the bar. I told him to come sit outside on the patio with me. We started talking, and the next thing you know we are hanging out almost daily.

Hold the phone everyone…hanging out is not dating, anyone who has picked up Greg Behernendt’s book Hes Just Not That Into You knows this…however it was different. Unline workboy, this one actually asked questions about me.  He actually appeared to give a damn. It was sweet. The only issue I foresaw? He is a bit of a puppy. Not too much younger than me, but a year and a bit- which when you are in your twenties make a difference. Alas, I wanted to see what would happen, perhaps things would start to brew.

We started hanging out quite a bit, after work, nothing crazy. Because I am an ex party girl, I do not drink and hardly ever hit the clubs, unless I DD for someone and have a heavy supply of Red Bull and a joint or two. Regardless this was refreshing.

I was starting to get excited about this prospect. I ditched workboy and his rude, horribly hurtful shenannigans, and am now finding myself spending time with this dude who looks as if he is a bad boy, with a mammoth johnson, who is actually a total sweetheart. Cue butterflies.

Cut to a few weeks later, and dude has something to tell me. Great. Story of my life…there is always “Something” with the men in my life…issues/baggage/ex’s/etc. I was waiting for the bomb he was about to drop.

He said to me: “I am not like any guy you have met before”

(Riiiiight, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard that classic)

Turns out he was right. The bomb he dropped matched my jaw dropping and I was thrown for a fucking loop.

Lets play a game everyone, what could his “Secret” be?

Stay tuned….

xo champ

Moved to a new city- Got a new job- Fell for a co-worker-Proceeded to have relations-Ended up backfiring dramatically. *Read previous posts for more details*

My general manager pulled me into his office a few weeks ago regarding a work place melodrama. He shut the door and proceeded to give me a little talk aboutt my relations with Work Boy and how the situation needed to be mended- at once. I believe the direct quotations were as follows:

“You and ____ need to fix this awkward tension. I don’t care if you need to share a plate of nachos, or go for a walk, you need to fix this.”

“Yah well me and ________ have been over for a bit, the ship has sailed”

“Well unfortunately you two are not dealing with this well, I am serious, talk it out. Drinks, not dinks”

Well said boss. Drinks, not dinks. Okay, no problem…here I go, I guess I now have to text workboy and let him know this situation needs to be address.

Because I am a masochist, I deleted workboy’s number, yet of course I knew it off by heart…905 449- —-…here I go.

hey its me i think we need to have a chat

That was it, that was all. I am not going to go into the throws of his ridiculousness, or beg for scraps of his time, I merely followed instructions of my boss, and opened the window to an awkward yet necessary conversation.

Two days later, workboy invites me over. Of course I texted Ginger (new to ChampagneAtMidnight, her story follows) and she told me to keep it brief, informative, and non personal. “Get in, get out, no hanky panky” – no problem.

I find myself walking the 7 minute walk to workboy’s apartment, shaking in my shoes. Here is the guy that proceeded to be a complete asshole to me for months, sex here and there, emotional fuckery, and a grey cloud of misery. He is a total cad, and has a reputation for discrution. He actually is a man-whore, yet I fell for his charms because- all together now- I saw the best in him. I saw the good stuff that was suffocated by his blackheart.

As soon as I got into his apartment I felt this wave of nausea. What am I doing here? Ugh. It has to be done.

I spent two hours at workboys apartment. In that time the following statements were said. I am not paraphrasing:

“I am  dick that gets off on causing drama”

“I made it a goal to sleep with as many servers as possible”

“I wasn’t always like this, my ex was a bitch”

Okay class, lets review. You know when you go through boy drama, or girl shit and your buddies tell you, ‘oh he/she is ___ and _____” in order for you to get closure? Well, have you ever had the object of your past affection actually tell YOU? It was amazing. It was everything I had ever thought about him, all the stuff my girlfriends said to keep me at bay, all the things you tell yourself to move on- and he actually told me. Thanks a bunch, you just made it quite easy for me to shut the damn door. He confirmed it all.

I tried to keep it professional, and I did not go into the whiny chick shit – however I did say the following which I completely stand by

“You know that it didnt have to be this way, and YOU made it fucked”

“So your ex damaged you and you are walking baggage”

“Its too bad that I am just a ____ _________ statistic ((insert real name)) just dont be a dick to me at work anymore, umkay”

We proceeded to smoke a joint, and I left, dignity in tact with a bizarre energy.  It was as if I literally shut the door. I walked away from workboy’s apartment a new lady, and there is no turning back….

On to the next….which I proceeded to find a few days later….

Stay tuned.

xo Champ

After a long hiatus I have resumed my duties as Champagne at Midnight.

Sorry to those followers who have wondered what the fuck I have been upto, trust me the world turned pretty dramatically for this chick, and I am now prepared to reveal all.

Thanks for everyones patience in this matter, happy reading y’all.

xo champ

The past few months have been an absolute trip for myself. Some of you may or may not know, but Bella and I are psuedo roommates and she is on vacay at the moment. I cannot wait to hear her stories from her trip- hopefully I will get some dishy goods to fill you in on.

As for her situation before, that will be posted this week. It is worth the wait, I promise.

As for me, well things have been a rollercoaster. Work Boy and I are on/off/on now off again- much details to discuss. It just sucks that sex and companionship may dwindle…hes a dick…again, will fill you in on it.

Also, look forward to my post about a reunion of some sorts. The love of my life, College Chris* is returning for a visit. I can say with 100% conviction that I am scared shitless, excited, nervous, and oddly enough quite calm. It makes sense to me…this will happen mid-week.

-Bella’s ex finance’ has moved home- will he will her back?

-Work Boy is killing me with his mixed messages, and now lackluster sex- wtf am I doing?

-College Chris* comes home mid week- I wonder what he will see when he sees me…

*stay tuned y’all

I know it’s wrong. I know he is slightly lame. He is not up to my calilber. I know all this.

All my friends agree, Bella keeps me on my toes about this. She is right, hands down. But, at the same time, I need to figure out what he brings to me to keep me intrequied. It’s like there is something that I need to figure out, in order to drop it. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we girls (or maybe just me) could look at a potentially dangerous boy situation and run the fuck away, no questions asked? Instead we (me) pry, and discover, and let things develop until the point of no return, and guess what, inevitable hurt arrives.

I am hoping that this time I can play with fire, and not get burned.

Bella and I are moving in together in the Fall. The plan is, after College to merge our lives to good on Toronto and start our adult lives right. I am stationed east from TO and Bells is west. This is an important peice to the Work Boy pie. Knowing full well that Bella and I are starting our life – for reals- after this summer gives me a deadline.  The plan is for Bella and I to have one last summer of idiocy, one more summer of late nights, bad decisions and getting the kinks out of our system before we hone in on our business(es) and careers that we have already started to work on.

I have a choice to make. 

I can really delve deep into my life here, and absorb my “Work Life” to the core, for one summer, and bounce – with intense memories and the possibility of profound longing     *or*     I can mind my own business and miss the potential of an intense summer. I am twittering on the edge. On one hand I can get out of here with no scars, the other hand, I miss out on a great time, and living life in the moment, to the fullest.

I have made some amazing  connections being here.  But why oh why do they have to be guys? (Natch, right?)

Work Boy and T are best buddies. T is the guy that I hang out with that is purely platonic. He is actually a ‘bud’- zero attraction. Last night T and I were hanging out after work at his place, with his parents which was hilarious…I kept thinking, ‘Holy I wish I was attracted to T.’ He is the nicest, most respectful dude I have met in ages. He is kind and funny and would be such a good guy for someone truly deserving. He respects me. He is a gentleman. Too bad I am not attracted to him in the slightest.

Work Boy is mysterious, secretive and charming. He is not a bad boy, but he would be the type to toss moral conscious to the wind in lieu of self serving. He has a rep. I cannot tell what he thinks- ever- and he actually makes me nervous sometimes. 

Wouldn’t it be amazing if Work Boy and T were one person? *sigh. It’s like T is the boyfreind on the inside and Work Boy is the devilish charmer on the outside.

Considering that after the ‘episode’ regarding Work Boy, I would be fully aggitated. I am/was/is. It changes by the hour to be completely frank. Considering I know that I am setting myself up. I can forsee trouble ahead. It’s like those construction work signs…

But at least I feel alive.

I was analyzing what my deal was last night, trying to decipher why I am attracted to this ‘situation’ to begin with, why have these boys entered my life, what the fuck am I stepping into. It is like the proverbial invisible line. With T its like, um we hang out all the time, I am pretty sure his parents think we are dating, he would treat me like gold, but nah he aint my type. With Work Boy, I see him in random spurts that make me question what I am doing there to begin with, he is wishy washy, I never know where I stand….but when I get glimmers of recognition in his eyes, it is reward enough for me.

The thing with Work Boy is that it excites the shit outta me. It is so wrong. But I get such a rush out of it… have you ever met someone that is not classically ‘gorgeous’ but the second you talk to them, or get a wiff of their world you are hooked? Work Boy makes me wet…it’s so ridiculous…we have such a stare down it’s unbelievable.

It’s like I know he is bad for me. I know given 6mos we wont even be in the same city anymore. But I am having the hardest time trying to stop this game.

Work Boy wanted to spend some time last Monday. He was off. The neauvou pattern that has been formed, is that on his days off he usually wants to get together.- too bad Bella was waiting for me- thank god Bella was waiting for me.   get my drift? the back and forth my mind goes through when it comes to this?

Work Boy is off today, as am I.

Back and forth, back and forth. I won’t contact him. I want too. I told Bella that I wouldn’t go over. But what if he contacts me? Loophole? Ha.

Is it wrong to want a carnal escape? Yes, will I get burned in the end? Perhaps. Who knows. But right now, at this moment, this situation is providing an excitement that is so dangerous it might combust.

-stay tuned-

-stay tuned y’all